My Happiness

So the other night I was having a really hard time.  As usual Douglas just said something not even meaning to be rude or careless or anything and I started to cry because of the emotions that I had bottled up. 

See there's this thing that no one tells you about after you have a baby.  Not only have you spent a crap load of money on maternity clothes and baby supplies, but after that baby comes out, none of your clothes or shoes fit that fit before so you have to buy a whole bunch of new stuff then.  Really, no matter how much exercise you do, your stuff never fits the same.  No one tells you that.

   Anyway, that was my moment.  I haven't really felt much like myself since Eloise was born.  Your identity isn't really you anymore, it's you and your baby.  You are no longer Elise and Douglas, your Elise and Douglas and baby.  No one really wants to see you, they want to see your baby.  Your body still isn't yours because Eloise needs it to eat and really it doesn't look like it did before I was pregnant so sometimes I stand in the mirror and wonder how my head got on this other lady's body. 
   I have tried really hard to be positive and learn how to work with the changes that have happened and let's be honest, I've had a hard time......but I have a really great thing.....my happiness.
   As I was crying and feeling bad, my husband was so perfect.  He looked at me and said "you're right, you don't look like you did when I married you.  You're right, I was attracted to you the way you looked when we were dating.  That doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to the woman you've become now.  Just cause you look a little different doesn't mean that you're not who I love.  We change and we change together." 
   Now, I know what all of you women are thinking, 'Elise he lied to you :0)' or 'you are SO niave'.  You know what, I don't think so.  Douglas is right.  I still love him and he may not change very much until he's an old man and he may change appearance a whole lot, but he is my happiness.  Not his body, but his personality.  The fact that he wrestles me, tickles me, laughs with me, hugs me when i cry, calls me crazy (cause I am).  He is my happiness when he holds my daughter and tells her that he loves her.  Tells her about how silly her mommy is and how much fun we're going to have as a family.  He is my happiness because he reminds me that I'm his happiness no matter if I look the way I did before or how I look now with a little more in places I wish there wasn't.
  I know it may seem crazy, but isn't it nice to know that I can be someone's happiness no matter how I look and someone can be mine no matter how they look.  I think we all need to be reminded that we are all someone's happiness and you may not even know it.
              Someone loves you just the way you are.

Love,
Elise